Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
