thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
