Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
