Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
