i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My first STD was from a foam party
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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