Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
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