i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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