please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
