They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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