chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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