i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
