Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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