these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize