does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
A bitchslap is in order.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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