I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i think i have two assholes
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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