My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
