All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
