We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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