He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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