The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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