I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
