pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
