I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
