I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
two words...techno handjob
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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