I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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