remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
