if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
