I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
