remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
