If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
