Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
