Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
