i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
