Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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