I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
