Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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