I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
