You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
