how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
