It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
