just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
