im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
