i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Alive.
So much puke
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
