I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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