Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
