I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
