Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
