Swine flu is the new snow day.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
