at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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