Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
