There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
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I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
