You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
