he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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