3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
