Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
