My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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