Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I looked at my own cervix.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
