the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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