When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
