fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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