My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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