Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
