Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
