you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
