yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
