So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
