The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
