"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
