Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
