I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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