everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
