nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
