Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
