My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
