i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Randomize
