a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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