I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
