I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
