there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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