david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
