He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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