I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
