I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
