That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
