apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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