I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
