So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Shame - the story of my life.
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