I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I look better un-naked...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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