wat bout pragnant strippers??
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I still have a little drunk in my system
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize