She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
