I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
