i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize