Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
