I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
