What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
