just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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