He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
