How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
