I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize