mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
