New low: just hacked my moms facebook
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
