I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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