So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
