if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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