Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
