brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize