when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
