So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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