I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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