Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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