I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i think i scared a bird with my dick
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
