You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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