Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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