booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
