he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
