He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
